No one else at MBA knew I was in contact with Zan. It was so high-pitched it made my ears hurt. When Zan said it in her native language, it sounded like a bunch of dolphins who’d sucked the helium out of a Macy’s balloon. Like being in contact with aliens from the planet Bosco. Plus, there are things we all keep to ourselves. Like when you hear that Moon Base Alpha is a really amazing, incredible place? Or that we’re all getting along great up here and having the time of our lives? That’s all a big, steaming pile of garbage. You only know what the government wants you to know. There’s so much coverage of us down there, you might think you know everything about us.īut you don’t.
All of us up here are pretty famous, seeing as we’re the first families to colonize someplace that isn’t earth. My name’s Dashiell Gibson and I’m a totally sane twelve-year-old boy who happens to live on the moon. Like the kind of lunatic who stumbles through the streets babbling gibberish and wearing a tinfoil hat.īut I’m not crazy. I know I sound like a crazy person with all this talking-to-an-alien stuff. I’d used them to help explain everything from dinosaurs to World War II to professional sports. For this reason, I’d taken to showing Zan movies whenever I could. It went on like that for twenty minutes, with Zan asking me to try to explain everything from whoopee cushions to pull my finger until I was mentally exhausted. So why do some people find involuntary emissions of noxious gases from their rectums funny while other people find it rude?ĭo you think it has something to do with the sound? I guess because farting is considered rude. So every time someone involuntarily blasts snot out of their nose, you humans tell them you want good things to happen to them?ĭo you say ‘bless you’ for other involuntary actions? Like when someone burps? that you want good things to happen for someone. Like when you use napkins to blot partially eaten food off your faces? I had to think for a moment before admitting, I have no idea. One day, Zan overheard me do this for my sister, and later she asked why I’d said it.
But it turns out, there’s not much reason behind half the things we humans do.įor example, blessing someone after they sneeze. She wanted to know the reasons for everything I did. For starters, there was no end of things I had to explain.Įvery single aspect of my life was strange and unusual to Zan Perfonic. It was far more difficult than I had ever imagined. If I hadn’t made the mistake of showing Star Wars to an alien life form, I never would have ended up fighting Patton Sjoberg with the space toilet.īut then, being friends with an alien had been one problem after another.
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